i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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