the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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