She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
