Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
