A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
