I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
