last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
