I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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