I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
