i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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