I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
