YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
