new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
