I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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