she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
