My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize