i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
