Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
