HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
