KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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