5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
