A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
