thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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