the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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