TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
