Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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