I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
