Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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