god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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