I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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