Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
