Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
