Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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