My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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