girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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