our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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