My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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