Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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