"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Im part way to drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
