God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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