Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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