here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That was an excessively violent trivia night
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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