Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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