I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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