You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
