So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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