My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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