My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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