I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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