foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
