I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
