Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
