Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
