In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Two words: blizzard sex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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