Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
