I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The adults are the big ones right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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