do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
