Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
