I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
