Even water is tasting like jack daniels
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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