GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
