Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
