Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
