i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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