Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
