Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's great music for shaving your balls
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
