East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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