Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
