I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
