i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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