Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
