If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
